What Happened between Funke Akindele and Yaw, Last Night, at The Bar?

Yesterday at the Shell Hall of the Muson Centre, in Lagos Nigeria, Yaw and Funke Akindele-Oloyede put up some awesome performance in a Stage Play, titled The Bar, and AY’s Blog was there.

At The Bar, Yaw was the Bar Man, and Funke was NOT the customer. She was the Lady whose Uncle (James) instructed  her to wait at the Bar for him.

Well, Uncle James didn’t show up in time, and while Funke waited series of gossips were ignited between her and Yaw the Bar Man.

They would gossip about a Country Yaw compared with a Comedy Channel on Startimes. When God wants to watch the Earth like satellite TV, he likened, God tunes to this country to get cracked up by bizarre comedy.

They would gossip about a certain Commissioner in one of the States in the country whose name we shall not mention. They would wonder why they only discovered he is FAKE after he must have been sworn in by the sitting Governor. After he must have been given official cars, and strangely after he must have awarded Contracts.

Things would seemed to go on well between the Bar Man and Funke. But not for too long.

Uncle James wouldn’t show up on time. Funke wouldn’t buy drinks. Customers would’t patronize the Bar – not even one. And Yaw would ask Funke to ‘Come and go’ because he suspects her presence is an Omen that’s keeping customers away from his Bar.

Occasionally, Funke would threaten  to smash a bottle of Squadron on Yaw’s head for insinuating she carries bad luck. Occasionally she would yell at him. Occasionally she would almost deep her fingers in his eyes. And more often than not, she would say ‘I’m being civil, here.’

Then, somehow, they would refrain from quarrels. And they would gossip some more.

They would gossip how Plane Crashes caused by negligence, and Road Accidents caused by bad roads may soon force Excellencies to start travelling on Bicycles. Then Yaw would feign giving a Presidential Speech. And, then in speech he would announce how sad the Government is about a recent Plane crash.

In his sham speech, he would tell his Nation how he has set up a Committee to look into the outcome of another committee that just concluded investigations into two other Committees that were set up to come up with recommendations on why Airplanes are crashing everywhere. (We have paraphrased)

Then, Yaw and Funke would gossip about a Governor who gave cash reward to a female Corp Member for graduating and finishing her service year, a Virgin. Then, Yaw would marvel how the Governor knew the girl was a Virgin, in the first place. Then, Funke would try to caution his unguided utterances. Yet he would still question, “so what happens to the MALE VIRGINS?”

Still Uncle James would delays his coming.

Then Funke would pick her phone to call Uncle James. Then, Yaw would ask if she is a Farmer. Then another gossip would follow about how Government spent N60billion to buy 10million phones for farmers. Then, they would try the math of how much one phone would cost if 60billion were divided by 10million. Then, they would wonder  if the government actually bought a Blackberry Z10 for each of the Farmers.

Then, Yaw would complain again about Funke’s continued stay especially without buying drinks. Then, he would urge to leave. And then, he would imply that witches from her village must have accompanied her down to the Bar to keep his customers away.

Then, Funke would move closer to him. Then, she would threatened the reign of broken bottles on his head, and then Yaw would guarantee she would be ‘ALUU-ed’ if she carried out her threat.

Then, that would bring gruesome images back to Funke’s memory. Then, she would try fight back tears. Then, she would ask rhetoric’s…

And then, we shall not tell you the end of the Story. And don’t even expect us to tell you that the Country Yaw and Funke gossiped about actually won the last African Cup of Nations in South Africa.

 

Posterity won’t smile at The Bar’s production crew if they tuck that remarkable Play in some Hard Drives without letting the Public see it either free or sold.

It was a Satire, yet it was packed with so much moral consciousness.

If we had the powers, we would have decorated the cast and crew of The Bar with a Member of the Order of Nigeria, immediately after the Stage Play ended. The Bar not only entertained us, it raised salient issues we talk about in hushes. It condemned wrong policies in comprehensible metaphors, and was socially responsible enough to proffer workable solutions.

Obi Martins, a graduate of Lagos State University wrote the Play. Bunmi Davies of Stand Up Nigeria Directed the Play, and Uncle Speed of Corporate World Entertainment reported it for AY’s BLOG.

[caption id="attachment_1171" align="aligncenter" width="717"] Yaw and Funke Akindele at The Bar[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1174" align="aligncenter" width="717"] Excellencies may end up on Bicycles[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1169" align="aligncenter" width="717"] I will break this bottle on your Head[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1172" align="aligncenter" width="717"] President YAW gives a Speech[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1170" align="aligncenter" width="717"] Please come and go[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1167" align="aligncenter" width="655"] Did they buy Blackberry Z10 for each farmer?[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1168" align="aligncenter" width="717"] Obi Martins, Bunmi Davies, Yaw, Funke... taking a bow at the end of The Bar[/caption]