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AKPOS AND THE PRINCIPAL

Akpos was caught red handed by his principal writing ‘May God punish my principal’.

Principal: What nonsense are you writing? (about to Slap Akpos).

Akpos: Sir, I have not finished it.

Principal: (angry) What do you mean. You are abusing me and you say you have not finished. Are you mad?

Akpos: This is not what I wanted to write.

Principal: So what did you want to write?

Akpos: I wanted to write ‘May God punish my principal’s enemies’.

One word for Akpos......


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AKPOS AND THE CAT

Teacher: If I give you 2 cats and another 2  cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2 cats, how many will you have?
Akpos: Seven.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently.
If I give you 2apples, and another 2 apples and another 2 apples, how many will you
have?
Akpos: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven!!!
Teacher (angry): Where did you get your seven from?
Akpos: Because I already have 1 cat at Home!
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-six-cats/#sthash.uqv7BBFm.dpuf
Teacher: If I give you 2 cats and another 2  cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2 cats, how many will you have?
Akpos: Seven.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently.
If I give you 2apples, and another 2 apples and another 2 apples, how many will you
have?
Akpos: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven!!!
Teacher (angry): Where did you get your seven from?
Akpos: Because I already have 1 cat at Home!
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-six-cats/#sthash.uqv7BBFm.dpuf


Teacher: If I give you 2 cats and another 2  cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2 cats, how many will you have?
Akpos: Seven.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently.
If I give you 2apples, and another 2 apples and another 2 apples, how many will you
have?
Akpos: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven!!!
Teacher (angry): Where did you get your seven from?
Akpos: Because I already have 1 cat at Home!

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AKPOS THE PHARMACIST

Akpos, a  pharmacist was working in the late afternoon when a young man walked in and asked to buy a condom.

When Akpos dispensed the condom, he asked whether the customer knew how to use it. He said no. After Akpos had patiently explained to the young man how to use the condom, he shook hands and said “Good luck, young man!”.

The young man replied, “Thank you Sir, I am sure I will need it.”.

A few hours later, Akpos went home.  His daughter then obtained permission from him to go on a date. His daughter got dressed and was waiting.

Akpos heard his door-bell ring. When he went to open the door, the man standing there was the young man he had sold the condom to that afternoon!

If you were Akpos, what would you do?
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: If I give you 2 cats and another 2  cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2 cats, how many will you have?
Akpos: Seven.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently.
If I give you 2apples, and another 2 apples and another 2 apples, how many will you
have?
Akpos: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven!!!
Teacher (angry): Where did you get your seven from?
Akpos: Because I already have 1 cat at Home!
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-six-cats/#sthash.uqv7BBFm.dpuf

AKPOS AND THE PROFESSOR 

When Akpos was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him.
Also, because Akpos never lowered his head when addressing him as he expected, there were always “arguments” and confrontations.
One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, and Akpos came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor said, “Mr Akpos, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat.”
Akpos looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, “You do not worry professor. I’ll fly away,” and he went and sat at another table.
Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Akpos responded brilliantly to all questions.
Mr. Peters, unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. “Mr Akpos, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?”
Without hesitating, Akpos responded, “The one with the money, of course.”
Mr. Peters , smiling sarcastically said, “I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don’t you think?”
Akpos shrugged indifferently and responded, “Each one takes what he doesn’t have.”
Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Akpos’ exam sheet the word “idiot” and gave it to Akpos.
Akpos took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk, trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.
A few minutes later, Akpos got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, “Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade.”
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-university-college-of-london/#sthash.iUoqZPMp.dpuf
 When Akpos was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him.

Also, because Akpos never lowered his head when addressing him as he expected, there were always “arguments” and confrontations.

One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, and Akpos came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor said, “Mr Akpos, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat.”

Akpos looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, “You do not worry professor. I’ll fly away,” and he went and sat at another table.

Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Akpos responded brilliantly to all questions.

Mr. Peters, unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. “Mr Akpos, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?”

Without hesitating, Akpos responded, “The one with the money, of course.”

Mr. Peters , smiling sarcastically said, “I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don’t you think?”

Akpos shrugged indifferently and responded, “Each one takes what he doesn’t have.”

Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Akpos’ exam sheet the word “idiot” and gave it to Akpos.

Akpos took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk, trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.

A few minutes later, Akpos got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, “Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade.”

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AKPOS, EMEKA WRITE ENGLISH EXAMS


Akpos and Emeka after an English exam.

Emeka : How was your paper ?

Akpos : men! It was kind of hard; I didn’t know the past tense of ‘think’. I thought & thought and thought for a long time then finally, i wrote ‘thunk’

Emeka : I guess you’re right because I wrote thunk after I thought 4 a while too….

Akpos : Shit! And what about the past tense of ‘write’ ?

Emeka : I don’t know what I wrote; I think I wrote ‘written’

Akpos : That one I didn’t even bother. When I saw the next number asking for the past tense of ‘go’, I just went out of the Exam Room.

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AKPOS THE BUSINESS MAN

One day, a Akpos thought up a brilliant idea and went to talk to his son

Akpos: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.

Son: No.

Akpos: The girl is Bill Gates’ daughter.

Son: OK!

Akpos goes to Bill Gates:

Akpos: I want your daughter to marry my son.

Bill Gates: No way! Do I know you?

Akpos: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.

Bill Gates: OK! We can arrange for them to meet.

Akpos goes to the president of World Bank:

Akpos: Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.

President: No!

Akpos: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.

President: Hmmm. OK!


This is business! Right or wrong?

When Akpos was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him.
Also, because Akpos never lowered his head when addressing him as he expected, there were always “arguments” and confrontations.
One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, and Akpos came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor said, “Mr Akpos, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat.”
Akpos looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, “You do not worry professor. I’ll fly away,” and he went and sat at another table.
Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Akpos responded brilliantly to all questions.
Mr. Peters, unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. “Mr Akpos, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?”
Without hesitating, Akpos responded, “The one with the money, of course.”
Mr. Peters , smiling sarcastically said, “I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don’t you think?”
Akpos shrugged indifferently and responded, “Each one takes what he doesn’t have.”
Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Akpos’ exam sheet the word “idiot” and gave it to Akpos.
Akpos took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk, trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.
A few minutes later, Akpos got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, “Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade.”
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-university-college-of-london/#sthash.iUoqZPMp.dpuf
Teacher: If I give you 2 cats and another 2  cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2 cats, how many will you have?
Akpos: Seven.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently.
If I give you 2apples, and another 2 apples and another 2 apples, how many will you
have?
Akpos: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven!!!
Teacher (angry): Where did you get your seven from?
Akpos: Because I already have 1 cat at Home!
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-six-cats/#sthash.uqv7BBFm.dpuf
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Teacher: If I give you 2 cats and another 2  cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2 cats, how many will you have?
Akpos: Seven.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently.
If I give you 2apples, and another 2 apples and another 2 apples, how many will you
have?
Akpos: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven!!!
Teacher (angry): Where did you get your seven from?
Akpos: Because I already have 1 cat at Home!
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-six-cats/#sthash.uqv7BBFm.dpuf






AKPOS JOKE: FUTURE TENSE


The following conversation ensured between Akpos and his teacher in an English class.

TEACHER: “I killed a person”, convert it to future tense.

AKPOS:

The future tense is, “You will go to jail”.
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AKPOS JOKE: SISTER-IN-LAW
Akpos had a girlfriend who was stunningly
attractive, and his girlfriend had a sister who was
more attractive.
Just a day before their wedding, Akpos visited his
girlfriend, he saw no one but his girlfriend’s sister.
While checking the wedding invitation together, She
suddenly said to Akpos, “Come and keep me
company.” while slowly undressing.
She continued, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom,
and if you want one last wild fling, just come up
and get me.”
Akpos was stunned and frozen in shock as he
watched her go up the stairs. His head ‘scattered’ as he watched her enter the bedroom naked. He stood there for a
moment, thinking of what to do. There was no one else at the house. Suddenly he turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
Akpos opened the door, and headed straight
towards his car. Lo and behold, his entire future
family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, his father-in-law hugged
him and said, “We are very happy that you have
passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better
man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”
Akpos who stunned started murmuring, “Thank you Kwasi.Thank you Kwasi” under his breath. It was Kwasi who told him to always keep his condom inside his car.

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Akpos the librarian

Musa goes into a library to ask for a book on suicide. He met with Akpos the Librarian.

MUSA: Please do you have a book on suicide?
AKPOS: Wetin you wan read that kind book for?
MUSA: I wan commit suicide!

Akpos stares at him for a while and says, “Abeg comot for here! Who go come return the book!?”
 




Akpos: Joke: The Interview

Akpors is seeking for a job…
Interviewer: Tell me the opposite of Good.
Akpos: Bad.
Interviewer: Come.
Akpos: Go.
Interviewer: Ugly.
Akpos: Fine.
Interviewer: You are wrong!
Akpos: you are right!
Interviewer: Shut up!
Akpos: Keep talking!
Interviewer: Ok,now stop all that.
Akpos: Ok,now carry on all that.
Interviewer: Get out!
Akpos: Come in!
Interviewer: Oh,my God!
Akpos: Oh,my Devil!
Interviewer: You are Rejected!
Akpos: I’m selected!

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Akpos the mango thief

Akpos sneaks into his neighbour’s compound and climbed the tree to steal some mangoes. As he got down from the tree, he was confronted by his fierce looking neighbour.

NEIGHBOUR: So you are the on who has been stealing our mangoes all this while! I will tell ur father. Where is he?
AKPOS: He is over there in the next compound trying to climb the mango tree


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 Funny Updates. Some updates fit kill person:

“To hair is human to forgive is design”
“I hate guys with low selves of steam”
“You are a blessing to your generator”
“I am a soccer for guys with six park”.
“My BB charger is no longer walking”
“Anybody who supports this killings is a carnival”
“Be magnified Oh Lord, you are highly exhausted”


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 Six Akpos Laughs!!!

1) A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife’s nipples while she was asleep.The next day, their driver died of poisoning. **************************************

2) A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked Dad why?He answered, so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum. **************************************

3) A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. Maid said sir you are my witness you know I never wear panties.************************************

4) Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them,Son: “What are you doing?” Ask the son. Father: “I’m putting petrol on your Mom.”Son: “Haauu – Haauu! Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr Zwane has put in yesterday.” Mother fainted!************************

5) A man went to the pub with his wife.When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered:”You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know him he doesn’t pay. **************************************
6) An 8 year old boy is accused of rape*.In court his lady lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying, “Your honour see this, can he rape* with this tiny tot?
The boy whispers, “Don’t shake it, we’ll lose the case!”

Which is your funniest?


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A hot secretary came out angry out of her boss’ office, her colleague asked “What happened? You went in happy and came out angry.”

She replied, “he asked me if am free tonight? I said absolutely free! Then the bastard gave me 45 pages to type!”

=--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Two children were in the Doctor’s waiting room. The little girl started crying.

Little boy asked her “Why are you crying?”

The girl said “I’m here for blood test and the Doctor is going to cut my finger…”

The little boy started crying too. The girl asked “Now why are you crying?”

The boy answered “I’m here for the urine test!”


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 Letter from Akpos to Bill Gates

Subject: Problems with my new computer.

Dear Mr Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we
have found some problems, which I want to bring to
your notice.
1. There is a button ‘start’ but there is no ‘stop’
button. We request you check this.

2. I find only ‘recycle they didnt specify if it's motor cycle or Bicycle.

3. There is ‘find’ button but it is not working. My wife
lost the door key and we’ve tried a lot to trace the
key with this ‘find’ button, but was unable to trace.
Please rectify this problem sir.

4. My child learnt ‘MICROSOFT WORD’ now he wants
to learn ‘MICROSOFT SENTENCE’, so when will you
provide that?

5. There’s MICROSOFT OFFICE, what about
MICROSOFT HOME since I use d pc at home.

6. I bought computer, cpu, mouse & keyboard, but
there is only one icon which shows ‘ My Computer’,
when will you provide the remaining items?
Last one Mr. Bill Gates

P.S: ‘Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you
are selling WINDOWS?

Regards,
Akpos!














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